I Went to the Bible for Knowledge and...

 I went to the Bible for knowledge and learned that all the kingdoms of the world can be seen from an exceedingly high mountain (Matthew 4:8). I learned that the earth was “created” less than ten thousand years ago (Genesis 1:1, 26; Luke 3:23-38), that it has foundations (Job 38:4 Psalm 104:5), rests on pillars (1 Samuel 2:8), but also floats upon the sea (Psalm 24:1-2), and doesn’t move (1 Chronicles 16:30). I learned that there is a firmament in place above it separating the upper waters from the lower waters (Genesis 1:6-7; Job 37:17), and that the stars are merely little lights that God graciously set in that firmament to give people light at night (Genesis 1:16-17). I also learned that these stars are so small that they can and will someday be cast down to the earth (Matthew 24:29, Mark 13:25). One of them once went and stood over a stable to guide wise men to where baby-Jesus was (Matthew 2:9-10). I learned that the moon is a lesser light than the sun (Genesis 1:16), that the sun itself orbits the earth (Ecclesiastes 1:5), can stand still in the sky (Joshua 10:13), and that Venus is a star, not a planet (Revelation 2:28). I learned that things like wind, rain, lightning and thunder come from God (Psalm 78:26; 147:8; 135:7; 77:18). I learned that earthquakes, tornadoes and the like are caused by God’s anger (psalm 18:7; Isaiah 29:6). I learned that the species Homo Sapiens is about 300,000 years younger than the oldest fossils that we possess for it (Luke 3:23-38). I learned that Adam somehow named the earth’s estimated 8.7 million species in less than 2 days (Genesis 1:20-26; 2:18-22)! I learned that 2 representatives (or 7 for clean animals) from an estimated 6.5 million land-dwelling species and enough food to feed them all for 150 days fit on a boat with a floor area equal to about one and a half football fields (Genesis 6-8). I learned that languages didn’t evolve through cultural usage but were instantaneously thrust upon people through god-magic (Genesis 11:3-8). I learned that rabbits chew the cud (Leviticus 11:6), that bats are birds (Leviticus 11:13-19), that whales are fish (Jonah 1:17, Matthew 12:40), and that the mustard seed is the world’s smallest seed (Mark 4:31)! I learned that people can live inside whales for upwards of 3 days (Matthew 12:40). I learned that neurological disorders are actually demon possession (Matthew 15:22). I learned that sickness is caused by sin and that its God-ordained treatment involves calling on the church elders to pray and use anointing oil, while the afflicted one confesses their sin (James 5:14-16). I was also amazed to learn that having your son smashed to death with rocks for disobeying you (Deuteronomy 21:18-21), selling your daughter into slavery (or to her rapist) (Exodus 21:7; Deuteronomy 22:28-28) and that kidnapping the little girls from conquered enemies to possess as sex slaves (Numbers 31:17-18) are the righteous instructions of a perfectly moral god.